The majority of my time here in Germany has been spent wondering if I was happy or not. The challenge of living in a new town in a new country with a new language and with a new girl was always going to be a big one. I knew this from the start and tried my very best to keep all the balls in the air, as it were. I have made some good friends, come to grips with the basics of the language and found myself employment which may not inspire the brain but at least puts a roof over my head, feeds me delicious food and buys me lots of tasty beer. I moved in with the girl and had to learn many things such as how to completely relax with someone, how to support and comfort someone when they hurt and most importantly, how to manipulate the same someone to get a cup of tea made exactly to my liking and placed in my hands whenever I wanted.
Some higher power decided however, that I was getting a bit too good and cocky with my juggling skills. From the easy-to-manage practice balls, the town upgraded itself to a pineapple, the job transformed into a chainsaw, the language to a hedgehog and the relationship to a water balloon. This happened over a long period of time and I had recently been struggling to keep everything in the air.
On Monday I eventually tired, lost concentration and let one drop to the ground. I had been watching the water balloon fall in slow motion for well over a month and at the beginning of this week it impacted on the floor and burst in spectacular fashion. What was once fun and colourful became a soggy mess of broken, coloured rubber.
My world has been turned upside down, I am still trying to come to terms with what I had inflicted on myself and on another person that I had once cared for deeply. I am suddenly alone to face the might of the German machine and it's overwhelming. Something had to give and now I'm left with a pineapple, a chainsaw and a hedgehog. The thinking was that at least three things are easier to juggle than four. I hope I was right.