Monday, July 28, 2008

The Gym

Plenty of people have wonderful tales about their past sporting achievements, be it the cross-country race they won when they were sixteen or the swimming event where they destroyed everyone else at the age of seventeen. Plenty of those people are still dwelling on those achievements because they left school, discovered that wonderful stuff called beer, starting earning vast sums of money and rapidly became unfit. I'm one of those people.

I've never been fat, I'm not sure if that's due to genetics, a high metabolism or just because I'm fidgety and struggle to stay still for too long. That said, back at the beginning of this year I'd become conscious of the large amount of podge building up around my waist and I was concerned with the fact that a 20min walk home from work would have me slightly out of breath. This, coupled with the fact that I was going to be seeing a girl I liked in a May (who inadvertently guilt trips me all the time by telling me about all the running and yoga she does), meant that I decided to get my act together and start running regularly. Running was fun and it felt good until I eventually plateaued and I needed something more - luckily my good friend Sud moved into our house and he persuaded me to go to the gym a couple of times.

Sud: I'm dying, my hangover is killing, I definitely shouldn't have had that kebab and now I have to go to the gym.
Curly: I feel your pain.
Sud: No you don't asshole. If you felt my pain, you'd be going to the gym too.
Curly: Alright then, I will. (Shit)

The gym was almost identical to the last one I'd been inside, way back in 2004. It was stuffy, smelt like exercise and I was greeted with the sight of about 15 sweaty people either watching themselves lift weights in the mirror or running on a treadmill while they watched themselves in a different mirror. I'm still not entirely sure why they have mirrors in gyms, but it did make me feel a bit self conscious as I propped myself up on the treadmill after two minutes of lifting a non-heavy weight. Everyone was probably looking at me and thinking "What an un-fit loser". Still, I continued, spurred on by the imaginary non-verbal name-calling that I was receiving from the other people in the gym. The longer I ran on the treadmill, the more I proved to everyone else that they were wrong and their abuse wasn't having the desired effect. I was sweating to the point where I could have jumped in the pool and still wouldn't have got any wetter. After I felt I'd done enough for everyone else in the gym to like me, I started joining in and in my head I started calling them names back - one athletic guy next to me was the target of my hate for a while. I cranked up the speed and increased the incline, he did the same. Twat, I thought at him. Cock-face, he thought back. The slinging/incline match continued until I reached for my water bottle, lost my balance and almost took an embarrassing high-speed tumble - perhaps I wasn't quite ready for that kind of language. I wound down the speed and eventually made my way back to the changing rooms.

Initially I felt great, my first gym session in over four years had gone reasonably well. That was confirmed the following week as I waddled around like John Wayne and lost the ability to lift things with my right arm. Feeling good about myself, I decided that it was fine to have six pints after work with a friend, before joining some of the others in the pub later that night for jugs of beer and a few sambuccas.

I've only made the trip back to the gym once since. The pub has seen a LOT more of me.


At 5:01 pm, Blogger Paige Jennifer thought it was best to say...

I fucking hate people who are all, I love working out at the gym. Whenever I work out, I need a nap afterwards. And don't even get me started about those people who claim something about a runner's high. High this, aholes. Just think, all of those times you lift the beer to your lips, it's an arm curl. Oh yeah, baby. That's why you drink so much - to feel the burn.

At 10:45 pm, Blogger Cerebella thought it was best to say...

hehe "smells like exercise".

The gyms are for vain people like me, who are entranced by their image... sort of like how you can't look away from a car crash scene :P

I salute your war on terror, erm, sorry, gym... or, at least, your first pass up the mountain on the way to the war.

At 8:27 am, Blogger Chris Cope thought it was best to say...

I run about 20 miles a week. There is no such thing as a runner's high. That's bullshit. I hate running. I do it because it allows me to not worry about the caloric effect of my beer drinking.

In fairness, the reason gyms have mirrors is for the weight lifters to watch their movements. Similar to the way a dancer watches his/her movements. Ideally you see yourself lifting the weight and work toward a fluid motion that won't result in injury. Of course, weight lifters never do this. They use the mirror to work on their grunt face.

At 12:43 pm, Blogger Wierdo thought it was best to say...

My gym adventure lasted one trip. My jogging has lasted longer but I seem to have slowed down lately. 20 miles a week is impressive. Damn you. Your drinking more than me and jogging more too. You're making me so jealous!

The only high I get from running is gloating afterwards because I jog and my boyfriend/my friend/whoever else is in the room doesn't.

At 3:22 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

PJ - I certainly don't love working out at the gym, but I NEED to and I'll be heading down there again sometime soon no doubt *sigh*

Cerebella - The only way to survive in the gym is to become vein for the entire time you're there. The more you love yourself, the faster and longer you can run :)

Cope - My grunt face involves spitting on people in front of me. Mirrors do discourage perving, because you always get caught.

Wierdo - Keep up the jogging! I stopped for a little while and I felt really, really guilty for doing it!

At 6:34 am, Blogger Coffee-Drinking Woman thought it was best to say...

You are an inspiration.

At 5:08 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

I hope I haven't inspired you to drink more? :)

At 1:28 pm, Blogger Neal thought it was best to say...

I hate working out in the gym, I prefer to fidget while I type on the internet. I also watch how much dessert that I eat. Just the other day I was about to go back for my third helping of pie when I thought "No, that would be gluttonous", so I had ice cream instead.

At 10:24 am, Blogger mo** thought it was best to say...

I also hate the gym,
the only motivation I have to go is that after working out I get to go to the sauna they have.
I also have the exact same conversations with the ladies who work out next to me :)
ahh the competition!!!
good luck with the working out :)

At 4:58 am, Anonymous eve thought it was best to say...

It takes one alot of determination to go to gym!! The main reason that makes me go to gym is that i reward myself a great meal after each workout!


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