Monday, April 14, 2008

Things to say to girls

Dear all the people coming to my bl*g with the above (or similar) as a search term,

While it's heart-warming to know that you're taking the time and effort to look for things to say to girls, I think that the best advice I can give is the many-times-repeated 'Be yourself'. Yes, I know it's not exactly the answer you were after and it's certainly somewhat lacking in detail or instruction but it's exactly what you should do. If you like a girl, if you think she's hot or if she makes you laugh - then tell her. You'll only get one of two reactions, positive or negative. (If you get neither then she's either having a fit or on drugs*). Believe it or not, some lovely ladies read this bl*g - I'm sure they wouldn't mind offering up a few ideas of things to say to them - just be wary of anything that Crystal comes up with, the phrase "Jumping in at the deep end" might be applicable.

But then again, that could all be bullshit as it very rarely works for me. Here's my method of picking up girls:- I'll spend hours choosing what to wear, practising Jimmy Carr one-liners, lifting weights, altering my accent completely and dousing myself in Lynx. Then, I'll go and sit in the corner of a bar and stare at my feet all night - As a result, I attract more women than Will Smith and Brad Pitt put together.

All the best,

Curly.

* Still, either positive or negative I suppose....


ps. I'm single and haven't so much as kissed a girl in weeks, therefore not entirely qualified to give any advice whatsoever.

10 Comments:

At 8:42 pm, Blogger Crystal thought it was best to say...

my boyfriend now used the following line when i asked about his height: you don't want to know how tall it is, you want to know how big it is.

yeah, i did not go home with him. that night. then he decided to treat me like a lady and took me out to dinner and did not even kiss me! and then he got in my pants that way.

i think being yourself is the key. if you go up to a girl and don't act like a total douchebag, you will have an opportunity. like if you go to get a drink and she is sitting at the bar, you should make some contact with her, but don't sit there and talk her ear off. leave her alone, let it sink in as to why you walked away and then approach her again later.

or you could always mention that you are celibate. works like a freaking charm.

 
At 3:19 am, Blogger Neal thought it was best to say...

Unfortunately for me, I am a douchebag, so when I am just being myself that tends to bring out most women's gag reflex.

 
At 11:20 am, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Crystal - Good advice there. As for the celibate comment, it comes across that you like a challenge!

Neal - I know exactly where you're coming from. I remember talking to one girl about copper mines in India, she went along with it for a while - until I got bored of myself and walked off.

 
At 1:40 pm, Blogger Clearlykels thought it was best to say...

I do enjoy the whole being yourself part. THE WORST is when a guy says that he likes something and then you say, "Oh really-- I don't like it at all." Then they stammer and say something to the effect of they were just kidding before. Ummm--- no. Thanks.

 
At 3:50 pm, Blogger Dune thought it was best to say...

Compliments!!! If there's something you like or admire about her, let her know.

 
At 12:23 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Kels - Perhaps you deliver such compelling arguements that they have no choice but to agree with you? But, yeah - stick to your guns please.

Dune - That's a lovely comment you have there.

 
At 2:23 pm, Blogger Léonie thought it was best to say...

My ex didn't so much as attempt to kiss me until about the third date, and then didn't, lure me into bed until way after that. By that point I was absolutely, well, yeah. It was about bloody time, is all I'm saying. I'm not sure I would have been quite so keen to see him again if he hadn't been so reticent initially.

I say: be yourself but know how to take a hint. If you're chatting up a lady and she doesn't seem interested then she probably isn't. I'm not sure about the direct compliments, one is nice but overkill makes things awkward. A simple "you're lovely" is sometimes better than "you have beautiful eyes/hair/knockers", because there is less potential for embarrassment.

I must say for the record that I think Mr Curly is very good with women, because he is funny, a good listener and very sweet and lovely. The rest of the male population would do well to listen to his advice.

 
At 3:50 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Léonie - Thank you for those top tips and very kind words.

But I'd like to point out that Léonie has taken a significant knock to the head recently - her judgement may not be 100% accurate :)

 
At 8:16 pm, Blogger Paige Jennifer thought it was best to say...

Sweetie, at least "i give great head" searches aren't landing them on your blog. Enough said.

PS: I do give great head but NOWHERE do I note that on my actual blog, geesh.

 
At 5:26 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

PJ - I see what you've done there... now they'll come to mine!

 

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