Thursday, November 01, 2007


Ever since I wrote a post about some of the more stupid things that I've said to girls, this bl*g has been the recipient of many hits from people who are looking for various things to say to the fairer sex. I've hand-picked a few search terms and I'll try to help a few of these people out, no doubt becoming THE place to come for tips and advice on using the right words in the right situation. I'm assuming that the majority of them are for hooking up with girls. Let's go...

funny things to say to girls
This depends on what kind of funny you're going for. You could crack a joke such as "What's brown and lives in the attic? The Diarrhea of Anne Frank!" or just tell her that you enjoy sitting on train platforms and writing down the names and descriptions of the trainspotters you come across - that's also funny, but not in the jokey kind of way. Don't expect the same reaction from both methods.

rude things to say to girls
This is one of the easiest ones, you can't really go too wrong here and if you do manage to screw it up then I can't imagine that anyone would hold it against you. Of course I wouldn't advocate it but good old classic name-calling works wonders, although I'm sure you could always come up with a classier put down. They're particularly sensitive about their looks - start there if you're stuck for ideas.

stupid things to say to girls
See above.

things to say to girls
If you've never come up with a single thing to say to a girl then that's cause for concern, but don't fret - I'm here. Obviously "Hello" would be a great one to start with but for a higher score from the judges, put on a ridiculous accent from any country you're not from (ie Scottish if you're American, Irish if you're French - take your pick) and just go and ask if she knows any good restaurants/coffee shops/bars around. The accent will intrigue her and she'll probably inquire as to where you're from, perhaps she'll even take you to the bar herself. This will backfire if she's well travelled or actually from any of those places herself, you'll then have about a 50/50 chance of either making her laugh or just being told to piss off. If you hadn't noticed, you'd also be lying to her - keep up the accent because if she finds this out, she'll get mad.

"best" "line" to "say" to "girl"
Best line to say to a girl? I'd go for Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns”..... There's so such thing as THE best line you tool - each situation needs to be treated differently.

cool quotes to tell girls
Your best sources for quotes are probably from books or movies, quoting your friends will just make them sound great and she'll have no interest in you. Don't quote geeky films ie.If you're going to the local pub, don't say "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious". Some girls like poetry, quote some of your favourite poems but be prepared to explain what they mean if she looks blankly at you. Listen to Kate Nash's song Birds for a good example of this happening, but don't use the exact same words okay?

cool things to say in dutch
Umm, a popular one for Brits goes something like "neuken in de keuken" (no-ken in-dee kow-ken). It sounds cool to non-dutch speakers because it rhymes, but it actually means "Sex in the kitchen" - you'll be lucky if you get anywhere with this.

cool things to say to girls
In my mind, being cool has a lot to do with how you look and even more with the manner in which you go about life. I think it's one of those things you just can't do with any amount of training. Some girls will thing you're cool if you collect peoples ears, some may not - it's all the eye of the beholder as they say.

first thing to say to a girl
"Hello, my name is *insert your name*, what's yours?" is pretty safe, but who wants to be safe? Live a little, strut up to her tell her you've got three months to live and you're looking to try as many sexual positions before you go, ask if she'd like to help out. If she goes for it, you'll be the envy of all your friends. If she doesn't, try the next girl. *warning note: see the previous point note about lying. Also, if she sees you looking perfectly healthy four months later - she'll want to kill you in as shorter time as possible.*

funny things to say to a hot girl
This differs from 'funny things to say to girls', because hot girls are involved. As we all know, hot girls are devoid of personality and brains because they've relied on their looks to get them everywhere in life. Try something simple, like a "Why did the chicken cross the road" style joke - be prepared to explain it.

definition of "blonker"
Not related to the girls questions, but I can help you out - Ask this young lady.

So, I hope all of you lot sitting at home googling pick up lines whilst looking at porn have a better idea of what to do in the most awkward of situations. Here's a tip though, get out there and practice - it makes perfect y'know.


At 3:04 pm, Blogger Wierdo thought it was best to say...

Another quote you could tell girls would be "I can see you right now, slaving over a hot oven...bit I can't see the oven".

Might not work though....

Love the anne frank joke...never heard that one before!

"I hear they're gonna tear you down and put an office building where you stand"


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