Thursday, November 22, 2007

Nash gets the last word

Things I want to bl*g about but can't seem to write more than a couple of sentences at a time due to massive concentration problems:-
  • A weekend spent in the wild, Welsh hills has made me realise how shit it is living in a city. But that opinion has been counterbalanced by my being able to walk to work, go round friends houses when I feel like it and generally join in with all the goings-on.
  • Working in an office sucks.
  • My social life is interfering with my work life, my work life is interfering with my social life and they're both interfering with my sleep-life and eating-life. As a result I'm swearing and whingeing more than I'd like to. Like right now. Last night I went off on a cursing spree at the mere sight of Colin Farrell on a DVD case.
  • Making stupid facebook groups will only entertain you for so long. Accepting a suggestion to only communicate with one of your greatest pals in Afrikaans will entertain you a little longer.
  • My mood is swinging from cocky and confident to quiet and shy with no warning whatsoever. Some people find me fun, others think I'm boring - I shouldn't really care what other people think, but I do. I'm considering taking up being a full time arsehole, it'd be less of a headfuck.
  • I've started biting my nails all day at work.
  • My latest film recommendation is Dead Mans Shoes - go forth and borrow it from a friend, or steal it from an enemy.
  • I miss being able to write long bl*g posts and laughing to myself when I'm writing them. (I've Just laughed at myself, that's a step in the right direction I guess).
  • It's not nice when you hear ill-informed rumours about yourself, I now know how Jude Law feels all the time (a little). Initially I tried to defend myself, but it's best just to laugh at how ridick the situation is.
  • It's been pointed out that an alarming amount of my friends don't know that much about me. I don't let on too much about myself, I'm not sure whether I should be attempting to rectify that or just leave it as it is. I've been instructed to open up a little bit more, I didn't tell this person about this bl*g - where I'm more open than in *real* life.
  • I've also started reading books again, I'd done the majority of my book reading before the age of twelve or thirteen. My usual reaction when people asked if I'd read the Lord of the Rings book (around the times of the films) was to scoff and mention that I read it when I was ten (admittedly I couldn't remember anything from it). I've also rekindled my love for the Super Furry Animals.
  • I'm not sure if I've mentioned this enough recently, but Kate Nash is great.
Kate Nash being great, and a pole (not from Poland) being annoying.


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Catchup without Ketchup

This is what I've been up to in the last month - in case you were worried or anything:-

Glaws

Gloucester - A surprise day off work led to a surprise train trip to Gloucester to have a look around. Unsurprisingly, there wasn't much to do.

Curly to a local: So, what is there to do in Gloucester?
Local: Errm, visit the cathedral?
Curly: Done that, anything else?
Local: No

Luckily, a friend took us to Cromwell Street - former home of British serial killer Fred West. There weren't any other tourists, strangely.

Arcade Fire: A bunch of Canadians singing something about a bible, cracking stuff

We saw Arcade Fire, they were very blurry but despite that, they sounded great. I also danced.


Kate Nash

I also went to see, Kate Nash. She was also very blurry

Curly to Laura:
Wow, wasn't she great?
Laura: Yes. You know the last two songs?
Curly: Yeah?
Laura: You fell in love with her during them.
Curly: Was it that obvious?
Laura: Even people we weren't with were laughing at you.
*Curly Looks around and sees a group of girls grinning at him*

A beautiful view from Didcot centre

I finally realised a dream of mine, having a beer at each stop on the London to Swansea train line (Ten stops, but not all at once). The final piece of the jigsaw was added when I cruised into the quaint English town of Didcot, the Prince of Wales pub seemed an apt place to buy more beer after a fun night out in Oxford the previous evening.

Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - Looking great for their age (and blurry for their age)

A night of classic Rock was kicked off by the great-sounding (and looking) Joan Jett. 'I love Rock & Roll' was obviously a highlight - it felt like we were actually in Komrads bar in Waynes World 2.

Lemmy, blurry and dark - a new take on the blurry theme that seems so popular these days.

Mötorhead followed... I almost fell over from the sheer volume.


Alice Cooper - blurry and old.

The night was brought to a close with Alice Cooper, he must be about 500 years old but he still lept about and got up to his usual tricks - stabbing babies, shooting people and hanging himself.


Imps in the wilds of Mid Wales

My Swedish friend, Sara, has been visiting for a few days - in order to show her the best of Wales we had to travel up to the mountains and call the weatherman to order in some cold and some rain.

It's Tuesday today, I'm back in work and I'm knackered.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Grav

Just a quick post to pay tribute to Welsh rugby legend Ray Gravell who has died, aged 56. Part of the Llanelli team which famously beat the All Blacks 1972, always wearing red in support of his beloved Scarlets and almost constantly talking (his catchphrase "West is best bois bach" is constantly repeated all over west Wales), he was a cracking player and a superb bloke. I've been lucky enough to meet him on a couple of occasions (a powerful guy, his handshakes made me wince slightly) and I'll never forget the enthusiasm and energy which he exuded. Many people loved him, he had his leg amputated earlier this year and it touched me to see how many people showed their support by wearing his trademark red gloves to the Heineken Cup semi-final last season.


He'll be missed on the radio, missed on the tv and missed standing on the the touchline at games interviewing the players and coaches with the wide-eyed enthusiasm of a little boy.

Hits

Ever since I wrote a post about some of the more stupid things that I've said to girls, this bl*g has been the recipient of many hits from people who are looking for various things to say to the fairer sex. I've hand-picked a few search terms and I'll try to help a few of these people out, no doubt becoming THE place to come for tips and advice on using the right words in the right situation. I'm assuming that the majority of them are for hooking up with girls. Let's go...

funny things to say to girls
This depends on what kind of funny you're going for. You could crack a joke such as "What's brown and lives in the attic? The Diarrhea of Anne Frank!" or just tell her that you enjoy sitting on train platforms and writing down the names and descriptions of the trainspotters you come across - that's also funny, but not in the jokey kind of way. Don't expect the same reaction from both methods.

rude things to say to girls
This is one of the easiest ones, you can't really go too wrong here and if you do manage to screw it up then I can't imagine that anyone would hold it against you. Of course I wouldn't advocate it but good old classic name-calling works wonders, although I'm sure you could always come up with a classier put down. They're particularly sensitive about their looks - start there if you're stuck for ideas.

stupid things to say to girls
See above.

things to say to girls
If you've never come up with a single thing to say to a girl then that's cause for concern, but don't fret - I'm here. Obviously "Hello" would be a great one to start with but for a higher score from the judges, put on a ridiculous accent from any country you're not from (ie Scottish if you're American, Irish if you're French - take your pick) and just go and ask if she knows any good restaurants/coffee shops/bars around. The accent will intrigue her and she'll probably inquire as to where you're from, perhaps she'll even take you to the bar herself. This will backfire if she's well travelled or actually from any of those places herself, you'll then have about a 50/50 chance of either making her laugh or just being told to piss off. If you hadn't noticed, you'd also be lying to her - keep up the accent because if she finds this out, she'll get mad.

"best" "line" to "say" to "girl"
Best line to say to a girl? I'd go for Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns”..... There's so such thing as THE best line you tool - each situation needs to be treated differently.

cool quotes to tell girls
Your best sources for quotes are probably from books or movies, quoting your friends will just make them sound great and she'll have no interest in you. Don't quote geeky films ie.If you're going to the local pub, don't say "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious". Some girls like poetry, quote some of your favourite poems but be prepared to explain what they mean if she looks blankly at you. Listen to Kate Nash's song Birds for a good example of this happening, but don't use the exact same words okay?

cool things to say in dutch
Umm, a popular one for Brits goes something like "neuken in de keuken" (no-ken in-dee kow-ken). It sounds cool to non-dutch speakers because it rhymes, but it actually means "Sex in the kitchen" - you'll be lucky if you get anywhere with this.

cool things to say to girls
In my mind, being cool has a lot to do with how you look and even more with the manner in which you go about life. I think it's one of those things you just can't do with any amount of training. Some girls will thing you're cool if you collect peoples ears, some may not - it's all the eye of the beholder as they say.

first thing to say to a girl
"Hello, my name is *insert your name*, what's yours?" is pretty safe, but who wants to be safe? Live a little, strut up to her tell her you've got three months to live and you're looking to try as many sexual positions before you go, ask if she'd like to help out. If she goes for it, you'll be the envy of all your friends. If she doesn't, try the next girl. *warning note: see the previous point note about lying. Also, if she sees you looking perfectly healthy four months later - she'll want to kill you in as shorter time as possible.*


funny things to say to a hot girl
This differs from 'funny things to say to girls', because hot girls are involved. As we all know, hot girls are devoid of personality and brains because they've relied on their looks to get them everywhere in life. Try something simple, like a "Why did the chicken cross the road" style joke - be prepared to explain it.

definition of "blonker"
Not related to the girls questions, but I can help you out - Ask this young lady.

So, I hope all of you lot sitting at home googling pick up lines whilst looking at porn have a better idea of what to do in the most awkward of situations. Here's a tip though, get out there and practice - it makes perfect y'know.