Thursday, September 06, 2007

Stupid things I say to girls!

Introducing a special new (soon to be permanently linked) section to my bl*g...

Stupid Things I Say to Girls!

With such a gleaming accolade as (and I quote my pal Sud) "The best starter that I know...", I regularly find myself in entertaining conversations with attractive women, conversations which other guys would be too scared to get themselves into. Unfortunately, Sud's quote doesn't end there, it concludes..."But you're also the worst fucking finisher". Sud is politely pointing out that I somehow end up in the 'friend zone' after mere minutes, which I've been told isn't the aim of the game. Heavily contributing to this super-hero like ability to make friends with hot girls is the fact that I come out with some really stupid stuff. This post will be dedicated to those special moments in my life where I fall flat on my face, I hope you enjoy them.

I'll update as they come out, but I'll also include a few choice quotes from the past as and when I remember them (and once I've finished cringing).

Here's one to start from last night:-
Curly: So...what's your name?
Hot Dutch Girl: Well, most people call me Bambi.
Curly: Why? Did your mother get shot?
HDG: No, I'm just really clumsy
Curly: Oh, okay. *cringe cringe cringe*
Hot South African girl: Lollercoaster - Top marks for originality at least.
Curly & HDG: Lolling

A discussion with Léonie about the best way for me to get home on the London tube:-
Curly: Right, so I want to go on the Northern Line...
Léonie: Uh-huh
Curly: Then I want to go up the Brown line... whoops, sorry....
Léonie: Well excuse me...! It's called the Bakerloo line, the Bakerloo.
Curly: Yes, it is. Thanks. Lollerskates *cringe cringe*

To a hot Latvian girl in Bournemouth:-
Curly: We're going to a club, do you want to come along? We're getting a burger along the way.
Hot Latvian Girl: Yes, I will come. I love burgers!
Curly: ha ha, say that again!
HLG: I love Burgers..?
Curly: Wow - hey boys, listen to her say 'burgers', that's the best thing I've heard in ages!
HLG: Burgers
The boys: lolling
Curly: Say it again...
Curly in the morning: Shit, I made her say burgers too many times didn't I?
The boys: Yes.

To the same Latvian, running out of things to talk about at 5am walking along Bournemouth Beach.
Curly: Hey, look at this!! A shower by the beach!
HLG: That's cool.
Curly: I wonder if it works? I'll try.
HLG: I think it does...
*Curly gets very wet*
Curly: Yeah.... crap.

I froze for the next hour as I walked to the police station to ask where I could find the house I was staying in.

Talking to a hot German girl in Stockholm at 4am:-
Hot German Girl: I'm going to go and have a look at the 4am sunrise, I've heard it's really nice here.
Curly: Oh cool, I'll come and see it with you.
HGG: No, I think I'll see it on my own.
Curly: I'm not trying it on with you, I really want to see the sunrise.
HGG: I'm going on my own.
Curly: Okay, well I'm going to see it anyway.
I went to see the sunrise on my own - it was really nice, as HGG had said it would be.

I approached a girl sat with her friends in a Cardiff bar, she was wearing boots with stars all over them, I thought they looked cool.

Curly: Hello. I've just spent five minutes trying to think of a chat up line relating to the boots you're wearing, but I couldn't think of one.
Star Boots Girl: Lol, what had you come up with?
Curly: I was going along the lines of "I like the stars on your boots" then something do with the stars in a galaxy and your eyes.... I don't really know.
SBG: Lollerskates. At least you tried huh? I'm *** (told me her name)
Curly: I'm Curly, so...... er.. do you come here oft--- fuck!
SBG: lol!! GO ON, say it!!
Curly: Often... fuck, that's really embarrassing - I can't believe I said that.
SBG: That's awesome.
Curly: I'm mortified, I'm going - it was nice to meet you and your boots.
SBG: (Grinning) Pleasure, see you around!
To a Posh girl at Henley Regatta:-
Curly: That's a lovely dress you're wearing!
Posh Girl: *blushes* Thank you!
Curly: Did you make it yourself? It looks as though it's made of tissue paper
Posh Girl: *unsure of what to say back, she turns around. I walk off*

Not so much talking to a girl, but sitting on a train and the seat next to me becomes vacant-
Curly: Sud! Come and sit over here.
Sud: Why?
Curly: I don't want anyone else sitting next to me, do I?
Sud: *Sits next to me* You'll regret saying that if a hot girl comes in here looking for a seat.
Curly: Well that's not going to happen is it?
*Hot Girl walks past, looking for a seat and smiling to herself*
Curly: Fuck my life. lollercoaster.


At 6:36 pm, Blogger Clearlykels thought it was best to say...

Looks like you do a fair bit of cringing... you goober.

At 6:40 pm, Blogger NastyPredator thought it was best to say...

Hi there -- sorry I'm posting this right here (couldn't find your e-mail address).

I have been deeply inspired by your blog and now have started to write my own. I would be happy to have a few regular readers and therefore ask you if we could do a "link exchange"?

Please let me know whether you are interested. I live in Switzerland and am excited to find out if I can join the English speaking bloggers' community.



my blog is (the design is constantly improved :-) )

At 1:07 am, Blogger Léonie thought it was best to say...

Oh, how disappointing, I thought you were being dirty. Shame.

At 5:26 pm, Blogger Crystal thought it was best to say...

that's endearing!

did your mother get shot lol

you forgot to tell us if it worked!

At 5:28 pm, Blogger Crystal thought it was best to say...

p.s. the only thing i remember from bambi was that his mom got shot. i don't remember him being clumsy. what were you supposed to think?

p.p.s. when girls identify themselves using Disney movies, it is time to hit the door.

At 10:16 am, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Kels - Yes, cringing is a favourite pastime of mine it would seem.

Léonie - As you know, I possess gods own innocence.

Crystal - No, it didn't work. But I was too tired to care really. That's the first thing most think of when they hear about Bambi - it's the most traumatic bit! If I'm ever introduced to Princess Jasmine, then I'll panic.


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