Wednesday, December 13, 2006

You make me sick, you make me tick.

I was once a boy that was always polite, courteous, punctual, always did my homework on time, was quiet and enjoyed spending hours on my own playing computer games or reading books. I had a very small group of friends that I very rarely saw outside of school. All of that changed when my friend, David, invited me to go out to the pub in the nearest town at the grand old age of fourteen.

We dressed up in our smartest gear, attempting to look older, then wandered (almost skipping with excitement) to the only place that we knew we could get served alcohol. The only experience I'd previously had with alcohol was stealing a can or two from mates parents or just sipping Dad's beer or Mam's port when we went for a meal. We walked confidently into the bar but I was shaking all over with nerves. What if we get caught and the police get involved? I thought to myself. David assured me that he had done this before and kept telling me that it was fine. Luckily, one of our friend's older brothers was serving behind the bar - I stood on tip toes, deepened my voice and ordered my very first illegal pint of cider. I think I managed about four pints that night. I danced, talked, hi-fived people and generally had a riot of a time. It took all of about two hours to get as drunk as I'd ever been in my life and then later on, throw up for the very first time after alcohol. The next day, I repeated over and over, "I'm never drinking again".

Little did I know, that sentence would become such a big part of my life.

It's now ten years on from that day, only on Monday did I say to myself "I'm not ever drinking again". Until sixteen, I tried my best to regularly get into town on a Saturday night. Most people in my year-group were going out once or twice a week by the time we were seventeen, but it wasn't until I left home at nineteen that I hit the beer at the pace I'm now used to.

As much as beer makes me act like a tit, fall over and talk rubbish - I still carry on, it's probably been the most influential thing in my life, it made me come out of myself. I could talk to people (talk to girls), voice my opinions, made countless friends, met some brilliant people and most of all, it made me laugh more than I ever thought I possibly could. This didn't just affect me when I was drinking, though - those traits finally crept over into my normal life.

Several times in my life, I thought that I was growing up and was finally through to the 'other side' of that phase - but each time I just lapsed back into it again, sometimes harder than before. The truth is, I know very few people outside of the 'drinking' world - avoiding the pub and my friends does wonders for my health and my working life but absolutely nothing for my social or sexual well-being. Yeah, you heard right - I've never so much as kissed a girl without there being a certain volume of alcohol inside me*, this is the one that's bugging me at the moment. A recent comment made by a mate just made something click inside me and I thought, isn't it time that I started being 100% confident about sex, relationships and my life without Carling or raspberry flavoured tequila? There are some wonderful girls in my life at the moment, but I just don't know how to go about doing anything with a belly-full of peppermint tea, rather than a head-full of vodka. I'm sitting here, wondering if I can be like that - I'm doubting that I can, but that's because I haven't touched a beer for three days and I'm not feeling bullish enough.

*Apart from once when I was 9, but that's for another time - if you're lucky.


At 12:20 am, Blogger mona thought it was best to say...

I have written the equivalent of five comments and erased them all because none seemed adequate enough.
so ...and I'm trying hard to not sound cheesy here- here's what I think in a nut shell
1) Curly is a funny and really sweet guy
2)Curly should not worry so much about not being "curlyish" enough when sober- I am sure the girls like him just as much if not even more
3) go for THE girl (I'm sensing one here?) I'm sure you won't regret it :)
4)know that one day you will get to the other side of that phase- when you are ready and when you really decide you want to - you need to make the that what you really want for yourself now?
5)kissing is really nice- especially when you really really like the person you're kissing- when you find that person you will surely get some wonderful non alcohol involved lip locking
sorry I'm not very good at this- notice how Curly became you?!

At 4:41 am, Blogger Always on the Move thought it was best to say...

I think you can do it! No wait, I KNOW you CAN DO IT!!! Just sit back, Relax, Chill, and Play out every thing in your head. Things will work out, I know it will!!! You used to be shy, but now, you're not, and so on. I think you seriously can move on, without having a drink in your hand. If you need too, hold onto something that looks and feels like your drink, so maybe that way your brain will think it's still getting that 'special' drink in yeah.
You can do it!!! Just Relax!!!! We've all been there! It's normal! It's also really "cool" that you're admitting your fears!
(and I don't mean that in a LOL way, it's a 'look up a guy kinda way', cause a lot of guys don't admit that, yeah know!)

At 2:59 pm, Anonymous Anonymous thought it was best to say...

Drinking beer and going to the pub is a lifestyle and a habit. I wouldn't have half the friends I have if it wasn't for the pub. I also would have a 4" slimmer waist!

But, I enjoy it, and if you do it in moderation (with the occasional binge) you shouldn't worry about it.

Peppermint tea is nice too, but it's not going to send you crazy like beer! :)

At 4:08 pm, Blogger Crystal thought it was best to say...

oh my god, that is adorable. you will pull so much ass if (when you are sober) you tell a girl, 'i've never kissed anyone sober' and act all bashful. she will totally grab your face and tear you to pieces. there's something so sexy about a guy who is vulnerable.

come to mama.

At 4:31 pm, Blogger Clearlykels thought it was best to say...

Seriously, you are going to do well without some alchie in you. making out is so much better when you can feel all of your lips. Maybe that is just me-- I know when the alcohol start really affecting me because my lips go a bit numb.

Seriously, you'll be pulling some serious ass, don't worry about it, fake some confidence and go.

At 4:57 pm, Blogger LĂ©onie thought it was best to say...

Well, don't you think that it's as much to do with the situation as with the alcohol? Because if you're hanging out somewhere there is only peppermint tea then it might not be the sort of environment that is particularly conducive to all the kissing and stuff. You know?

I don't think you should worry too much about it. The fact is that it is all easier with alcohol but it doesn't mean it's impossible without.

Either that or constantly keep a bottle of raspberry tequila on your person.

At 9:49 pm, Blogger Astrid thought it was best to say...

I reckon sober Curly is majorly fun to be around as well! Maybe you worry too much; you have no reasons not to be confident in your ways, I think. But then again, people call me mad.

At 10:30 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Mona - You are just too nice. I'm not so much looking forward to sober lip-locking, but wondering why I can't get any when I'm free of booze. There's no 'THE' girl at the mo.

AotM - You make some good points, although holding on to something that looks and feels like a drink will quickly be replaced by an actual drink by my mates...

Adz - Oh yeah, I'm completely with you. Going to the pub and drinking is a great laugh, as for the waist - who's measuring? But have you tried ORGANIC pepperming tea, that stuff's mental...

Crystal - I knew that'd appeal to you..! Surely that trick will only work once (I'm a shit liar)? When I'm sober, it's pretty hard to bring up stuff like that though.

Kels - Making out is better without alchohol, I'm going to have to trust you and that one. I'm also looking forward, because it's fucking great with it.. thanks though.

Leyurmie - Hmm, I've thought about that before but never tested it out. The last two nights, I've spent down the pub without drinking. The first night, I lasted an hour before I got bored of my mates talking shit and letching over the equally drunk girls. It's also not the best environment as I know everyone down there, and they know me (as a drinker). Tonight, I lasted a far shorter time. I will continue.

Astrid - You're one of the few girls that have spent time with me away from the pub, therefore your comment is very much valued. Can I print it out on a t-shirt?

All - In the pub last night, a girl (who doesn't even know I have a bl*g) said this to me:-

"Ohh, why aren't you drinking? You're so much more fun when you're drunk" Several others nodded in agreement.

I laughed, for the only time in the evening...

At 7:27 am, Blogger Always on the Move thought it was best to say...

IS it because you were Focused on the fact that you were not drinking and how people were going to look at you and judge you or something? Hmmmm? I don't think I would agree? You're not drunk when you're writing on this blog are you??? Cause if you aren't, well I just wanted to say, that you are A LOT OF FUN on here.....I enjoy reading your blog!!!! SO it just goes to show that you don't nee any booze in your system to have fun! You're a great guy already! *CHEERS*!
TEll us all how the rest of the evening went!!!!
Don't be so hard on yourself either kay, it takes time, it really me!

At 11:35 am, Blogger Teri thought it was best to say...

How's it all going now?
and "So much more fun when you're drunk" may be code speak for "someone to laugh at..."

At 5:00 am, Anonymous Anonymous thought it was best to say...

Well,i am a chinese,i can drink beer,wine enve liquor at any time,even i was 8 or younger than that.
In china,we can buy beer,cigarette,or anything else enve you can't imagine! we,i mean children.when we are ckids,we always get money from our parents to buy beer,wine,cigarette and so on for them.after we did it for them,they let we children try some.especially wine. cause beer is the last ten year thing we have. before that,we only have wine and liquor something!
And about cigarette,our parents told us we are too young for it,smoke it will destroy our little ogan and don't smoke it before 18 or something! well,that's just what they say!we children can get it any time if we want try some. I guess every boy have trid the cigarette in china.After 2 or 3 times,most of them will not do that again. cause it taste not good at all and didn't seem cool (we don't knowe it's cool if there don't have some bad and old guy around us and told us).
Right now,i am 26,i drink beer some times when friends are together for dinner or somethin to celebrate. 6 buttles of beer is my top. After that,if i keep drinking, 2 more buttles of beer i will lose know what i mean.
At least right now,at least for the past 20 years!
but that's right now,i am not sure in the future,especially after we get job, people smoking can do better in thier job,make things easy to go between workers. May be you can understand if the same thing happening in England.
from china.


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