The probably revealing too much post
I don't want to go all psychological on you. But today and all through last night I've been feeling something that I haven't felt since I was back in school.
I wasn't the most popular kid, I'll put it that way, throughout my school years. I often struggled to find friends to go and play with when I was in Primary school (4-11), and Secondary school (11-18) was a tough place to find people with the same interests as me. I used to feel desperately lonely, we lived in a village miles from anyone else and I had no means to get to town where most of my year group lived. I used to just feel crushed, I would just sit down on my bed for hours while the other kids went off enjoying themselves.
It all changed when I left school at 18 and ventured into the big wide world on my own. What a much better place it was now I was free from the ties of school. My problems in school were so insignificant compared to some of the things I started seeing. My confidence grew and grew and for the first time I started to make really good friends, friends who I really enjoyed spending time with and who enjoyed hanging out with me. It made me wonder what the hell I'd been doing wrong over all those years.
Last night, I travelled to Cardiff to see the Howling Bells, a band I've been itching to see for a while. I had a friend going along with me but at the last minute, they pulled out. That's fine, I thought, I'll give some others a call to see if they're interested in a free ticket. I must have rung about twenty five friends who live in Cardiff, absolutely none of them were available. Most had to be in work at 4am, 6am, 8am. Some were on holiday. Some were playing football. Some were editing videos. Some filled in job applications. Others were just not interested. I sat down in the park, waiting for the gig to start, and phoned a few more people. Still nothing. I felt that same thing I used to feel as a teenager, what have I done wrong? Why isn't anyone interested in coming out with me? I sat in the park for over an hour, just thinking. Luckily, this time I was far more mature and knew that everyone was genuinely unavailable - although there was still a nagging feeling that I'd done something wrong somewhere. After a few more phonecalls, I found it quite amusing. I had some great conversations with people I hadn't spoken to in a long time, and we had plenty of laughs about my situation.
I went into the venue on my own to see the support band and even the girl behind the counter had a giggle with me. I didn't want to waste my money on the ticket and she persuaded me to keep looking for a pal.
At half nine, I rang my friend Alex, who was just going home after work and was feeling extremely tired. After a bit of a chat, she agreed to come along with me. And do you know what? We had a great time! The Howling Bells sounded amazing, a bit too much volume on the (pretty much perfect) vocals but otherwise, a very good recommendation!
I'm organaising a barbeque at my place in August though, and I've got a horrible feeling that loads of people are going to bail at the last minute again. I shouldn't think that really. It'll be cracking all the same, with a core group of pals who'll jump at the chance of a free burger.
The summer is great.