Thursday, July 20, 2006

Beach Bum

Last weekend was spent beaching it up to the maximum.

And when I say maximum, I mean we were probably on it for all of ooh.. four hours on Friday night (for a stunning barbeque). Zero mins on the Saturday, in St.Davids. About 15 minutes on the Sunday, it was too hot so we spent most of the time sat in the shade of the cafe in the car park while my sister wheeled out free refreshments for us. But the beach was always in sight, so that counts, right?

Friday night wasn't a tough night to decide what tot get up to. Random Andy gave me a call and uttered the immortal three letters of power - B B Q. We pelted down to the beach at 9pm and started cooking. At 10:30pm, the train carrying the notorious Sud Shady pulled into Swansea, Andy drove in to town to pick him up. I was left to cook some burgers for Suds arrival to the beach, it was pretty dark so I had to concentrate pretty hard and employ all my nocturnal skills I'd learnt as a boy scout (not fumbling around with boys in a tent...... no) and utilise the heat as best possible. I lay back in the sand, the burgers were sizzling, the beer was cold and the sea was sounding exactly as a sea should do. I sat there and thought, "This is so nice" and I lay back against a dune.

Then I heard a noise in the darkness, "Ah, the boys are back" I sat upright and was greeted by the sight of a chubby looking kid (about 20 years old) dressed in a white tracksuit and a white baseball cap, certainly not one of the boys. He hadn't noticed me lying there and was obviously attracted by the light from the bbq, like a giant moth. He was certainly dressed like one. He was a little startled and skulked back into the darkness. I was a little concerned, Andy had departed for the train station with the line "Don't get bum-raped" followed by a little chuckle. I began to wonder if he knew something that I didn't.

I carried on cooking, but kept a wary eye out for the giant moth again. For a split second I was concentrating only on keeping a sausage from rolling off the bbq, I turned round again and the Human Moth was there again, only a little closer. I stared at him, hoping he'd go away. In an un-naturally high pitched voice he says "Hi" and then walks slowly away again. My initial concern had developed into rapidly thinking of ways to construct a weapon from a lettuce, a burger relish bottle and some hot coals. The moth must have detected my aggression as the next time he appeared, he was further away again but still too close for comfort. Once more, he faded away into the night and I didn't see him again.

After half an hour, I heard Andy and Sud's voices approaching. As usual they were laughing about something or other so when they finally sat down near me I asked them what it was they were laughing at.
Andy said

Andy: We thought that was you standing up on the dune just there and started walking towards you, then we realised it was you at all - it was some weirdo
Curly: You what?! He's still here?
Sud: Yeah, about ten metres away....... who's still here?
Curly : That moth has been hanging around here ever since you left, I thought he was going to go for me!!

The boys just burst out laughing. I joined in but I was still mightily relieved that they had turned up. If they'd been five minutes later there would have been Britains first murder reported using a lettuce powered hot-coal launcher.


At 2:31 pm, Blogger Huw thought it was best to say...

I think it's the fact he said 'hi' which makes this tale most sinister.

At 3:25 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

If only I could have recorded the way he said it, that was the icing on the creepy cake.

At 3:27 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Hey - shouldn't you be in a conference?

At 5:57 am, Blogger Me Over Here thought it was best to say...

Huw often cheats. (I kid, he works hard!)

So, what every happened to Moth Boy? Did you see him again? Did he flail his arms wildly at the BBQ pit, or at least ask for a sausage? Details, Curly, I NEEEEED them.

At 12:17 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

I certainly didn't see him again, but I'm sure he was waiting in the dunes somewhere. I expect he ravaged the bbq site for scraps afterwards, or perhaps he was attracted by someone elses fire once ours was extinguished.

If he had asked for a sausage, I would have belted him.


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