Monday, June 19, 2006

Some words of wisdom

Always look where you're going when walking down the street, don't try and look cool by walking forwards and looking in a completely different direction - you will end up walking into a big metal fence.

Don't tell stoned people that the little lump on the back of your head is your unborn twin brother named Philip, they will believe you.

If you're going to meet a friend and his cute American girlfriend, don't get so drunk you can't remember any of the conversation. Make sure they have a camera to capture some of the laughs for you.

Don't listen to the Prodigy straight after listening to the Beach Boys, the change in pace of dancing might make something 'ping' on the back or your left knee. It will force you to walk like a tool for the rest of the day.

Don't fart just before kissing someone goodbye. They won't enjoy it.

When playing cricket around the office, don't make a cup of tea halfway through the game. It will get knocked over and soak some important documents. Wait until afterwards, like the professionals.

Straight Tescos vodka ISN'T suitable for a Sunday lunchtime, you will say things you didn't want to come early evening. You'll also vaguely remember saying something else bad towards the end of the night, but probably won't remember what it was or who you told.

If yo'ure the guy on the left in the picture above, you don't want to be doing that to the guy on the right. It's best to run away, he finally realised this after being unceremoniously thrown to the floor several times.

If you're tired and in a little bit of a bad mood, don't watch your country get thrashed in the sport that you love. You will get angry and walk out, then you will become infuriated further because you missed two good tries right at the end.


If you're going to have a barbeque on the beach, go when the sun is out - it'll be considerably warmer.

Don't juggle glass beer bottles in your bedroom, eventually they will hit each other and smash, you'll then get stabbed by a shard of glass that you didn't spot on the carpet. There will be blood.

4 Comments:

At 3:15 pm, Blogger Teri thought it was best to say...

Rough weekend, eh?

 
At 8:06 pm, Blogger Laura thought it was best to say...

Thank you - I now feel thoroughly enlightened after all those words of wisdom.

 
At 4:17 am, Blogger Captain Bee thought it was best to say...

I watched that awful tying goal that Sweden scored today live. Jesus christ that was ridiculous.

 
At 2:22 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Teri - Same as usual really, Teri. Just me being a bit clumsy or generally forgetting to use my brain!

Laura - Glad I could help! Now take it easy...

Bee - I only saw the first goal, I had better things to be doing. Like food shopping and drinking.

 

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