Monday, March 06, 2006

Change of mood.

Okay, I'd just posted a nice post - but I've changed my mind and I'm going for something better.

I've been in a brilliant mood for the last few days as I've been down in Cardiff again. Today - The weather has changed drastically from last week, it's almost warm here! The sun has been out and even the clouds have been keeping a very low profile.

But I got back into the house in Swansea just now to discover an absolute bomb-site of a kitchen. I've lived in student houses before (haven't we all) in which you've been completely unable to find a clean plate and ended up eating out for the majority of the time, but I've moved on a little from that now.

So I came home to the damage done tonight, there is now only about six inches square of 'usable' work-top space and that's only because I've moved the kettle to the top of the fridge. The following items litter the kitchen:-

1 large cardboard box packet of Weetabix (Contents spread out for extra... annoyance)
3 empty 2 litre bottles of cider
2 packs of 6 sausage rolls, empty. Crumbs lie around the packets.
1 large bottle of ketchup (placed in a pool of ketchup on the side)
1 large packet of frozen chicken nuggets (on the floor)
2 open DVD's, covered in greasy fingerprints (WTF?)
2 empty cans of beans
1/2 donut
Enough pint glasses to quench the thirst of a five-a-side football team
Several (empty) packets of hot chocolate, choco-gunk surrounds them
ALL SEVEN large, sharp knives (covered in coffee)
Frrikin LOADS of Coffee granules on the surfaces (Who misses their mug THAT much)

The rest of the workspace is taken up with EVERY single effing saucepan, plate, bowl, item of cutlery (apart from the garlic crusher - person responsible can't use it), the frying pan, the (EXTREMELY greasy) baking trays and even my favourite wok. These items are not clean, in fact they effing MING. I don't know what half the shit is on the wok, but it didn't come off after poking it with a fork. There are screwed up paper towels everywhere (I'm far too scared to touch them - person responsible does enjoy his food, but hopefully not that much).

The sink is full of a brown/orange substance which varies in viscosity from "Yuk" on the sides to "Nasty bowel movement" in the middle. A couple of plates are dying slowly in there, put in to "soak" I presume - I can almost hear them slowly dissolving.

Add about a family circle box of biscuit crumbs scattered EVERYWHERE, and you've got an idea of how this kitchen looks.

There was no-one around when I came into the house so I let out a loud "For FUCKS sake" upon being greeted by the kitchen. I loudly went about cleaning up when I heard something shuffling outside the door, I stopped briefly and waited for it to shuffle again. I knew what it was though, Fatkid. He had obvisouly heard me throwing my weight about and thought he'd try and get away with creeping around. The sound that he makes when 'Creeping' though is akin to dragging a large wooden wardrobe containing an Oompa Loompas rave across a cobbled floor. He finally poked his head into the living room, he had left his archery kit on the sofa and hadn't counted on me being back before he left for Archery tonight.

Fatkid: Sorry about the mess
Mad Curly: That's okay. (I'm a nice guy, even when angry as hell)
FK: I was going to do it yesterday but I fell asleep (YESTERDAY?! It's been like this for more than 24 hours?)
MC: It's probably not just you anyway. (It couldn't be, that amount of junk food could feed three average people easily)
FK: Err, yeah it is. (His eyes are looking straight at the floor and he's starting to mumble)
MC: Fucking Hell! Are you serious? (I'm genuinely surprised by this, hence the swearing)
FK: Yes. Like I said though, I fell asleep and didn't get round to it
MC: You've been asleep since yesterday? It's six thirty - in the evening!!
FK: Yeah, I was knackered after going out on Saturday night. (Probably knackered after walking to the shop for more chips - and it's now MONDAY)
MC: Okay, don't worry. (I'd calmed myself down again)
FK: I'm going to archery now, but if you do clean the kitchen - I owe you one
MC: ....? (That's my rage building RIGHT up again)
FK: Bye (makes a surprisinly quick exit for a big fella)
MC: Tosser. (amongst other muttered insults)

That's it, I'm enraged. He owes me about a years worth of "ones" as it is, he's been making increasingly lame excuses for not cleaning over that period too. "I fell asleep" "I got side-tracked" "Star Trek was on". This takes the biscuit (if there were any left)

Gotta go actually, I'm too angry to be writing things on here. Can't be arsed to change spelling errors either. Gonna talk to some mates instead, and I'm going out to get some food.

Have a nice day folks!


At 7:47 pm, Blogger ozstriker thought it was best to say...

don't cry about it mate!!!

At 7:48 pm, Blogger Art thought it was best to say...

I feel sick just reading about your kitchen - pile it all into a black bag, n go empty it on his bed, the t*at.

At 8:00 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...


Art - His room is even worse, you seriously can't move in there. And that reminds me - there's already a bin-bak in the kitchen. Overflowing. There are more wrappers on TOP of the bin.

At 8:08 pm, Blogger Huw thought it was best to say...

Had similar kitchen issues over the years with various housemates. When the rodents (and, later, ants) inevitably arrived and took over, the levels of incredibility my housemates - one of whom had the joyous habit of using one place at the dining table, leaving his empty plate there, and then consecutively doing the same to each neighbouring space each night until all 8 places had been taken up with his decaying leftovers - displayed enraged me no end.

P.S. I'd been looking forward to hearing Portman in all her sweary glory upon getting home from work, damn you.

At 8:16 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Sorry Huw, it seems that the site I'd linked to had to remove their video - copyright or something.

I'll find it again somewhere else!

At 10:10 pm, Blogger mona thought it was best to say...

If it makes you feel any better I had to dissect some cockroaches today- it was gross- although probabaly not as gross as what your kitchen seems to be...I would be inclined to just leave it as is, and let him clean it up..but I have a feeling he's the type of roommate who would just leave it as is - and in the end you would be the only one suffering.
Sorry :(

At 2:23 pm, Blogger Teri thought it was best to say...

ewwwww. double ewwwww.

and make Fatkid pay for the food you went out to get, since you couldn't use your own kitchen.

At 5:26 pm, Blogger Rhys Wynne thought it was best to say...

Kill him! (but don't get caught)

At 5:33 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Mona - I'd prefer to be living with a cockroach, as long as it had the same taste in music as me and didn't like Star Trek.

Teri - I doubt he'll ever talk to me again after the death stares I was giving him. I full expect him to scurry away next time he sees me.

Rhys - I've been contemplating displaying his head on a spike outside of my house as a warning to other would-be fuckwits.

At 5:15 am, Blogger Me Over Here thought it was best to say...

It's times like these that I'm happy to be living alone!


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