The adventures of the young and often lucky-as-hell Curly on his way to bring down the evil dictator, locate the buried nazi gold and ultimately come face to face with the Holy Grail - Nelly Furtado. On the way I'll be perfecting my David Seaman impression and meeting as many people as possible. After that I'll go home for a nice cup of tea, and perhaps some cake too. I'm trying to give up tea but wouldn't object to a cup if a nice old lady offered - that would just be rude, wouldn't it?
Friday, July 29, 2005
Takin' it easy
That's what I've been doing really.
Last weekend was going to be a dead relaxing one, just chill out, watch a bit of rugby and generally recuperate after a tiring week at work. But, Bleddyn rang me on Friday afternoon - "Mate, come down to Cardiff - quiet pint in the George, definitely not drinking all weekend".
Regular readers can guess what happened next. We did indeed have a quiet pint in the George, then a few more and then we descended upon Moloko, Cardiffs' premier vodka bar for a quiet vodka or two. There are SO many different flavour of vodka! I'd been there before but I was usually tanking so only ever ordered Strawberry flavour vodka. This time we ordered another type, it smelt nice but tasted bloody horrible - back on pints from that point. We ran into Glasgow Dave, a Scots lad from my old work in Cardiff who never came out with us unless Wales were playing rugby, when he'd give his all in supporting us (unless Scotland were playing of course) - a true Celt!
Saturday was going to be a nice relaxing day watching DVD's or something, anything that non-pubaholics did really. Nope. Two St.Davids boys Lewis and Carwyn were in Cardiff and had just bought two slabs of XXXX lager and needed some help to consume it. Bledd and myself obliged. We played rugby on the Playstation all day and ate dodgy chicken wings - Caz (Carwyn) claimed that he didn't care if he got HYPOTHERMIA from the undercooked wings! I on the other hand waited until they were completely cooked so I could avoid salmonella! Later on we were joined by Damian from Tenby and Cat from St.Davids also. We ended up in Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club, lush Indie venue in Cardiff) but also dropped by the 'Robin Hood' in Canton, infamously run my Mr and Mrs Church, parents of songstress Charlotte. Another messy night ensued with some excellent drinking games being played!
Sunday - It finally rained!! I've been waiting for that for weeks now! It's been great having all this hot weather but I can only take so much! I spent most of the day asleep, hoping that when I woke up I wouldn't feel so bad. It didn't really work.
Friday night we'd bumped into Steve (Good mate who manages in the George) and he mentioned that he was having a party on Sunday. Crap, not another one - Tell you what guys, it's hard being as popular as I am (ahem). I went along in the evening, loads of George staff had been there all day, there was a nice BBQ on the go and some good tunes playing out the window. It didn't really pick up until it started raining again, everyone piled inside the tiny terraced house and carried on with the partay. Went on to Gassy Jacks (location of the National Anthem scene in the film Human Traffic, if you've seen it) and then onto Lloyds bar in town. It was an okay night, I ended up getting soaked as I walked home. I bought an amazing pizza but in my drunken state I had ordered a Hawaiian with kebab on top - it didn't turn out to be nice. The lad that I was in the kebab parlour (like that word) with, Gwion thought that I was absolutely nuts - so did I actually.
Monday, didn't feel good but had two days of a training course to attend for work - this meant that I could switch off for a bit. A great start to the week!
A small drinking tour of Cardiff:-
The George - The epicentre of our Cardiff social lives
Moloko Vodka Bar - flavoured vodka = yuk.
The Gatekeeper Wetherspoon
The Robin Hood, owned by Charlotte Churchs' folks
Clwb Ifor Bach - Best alternative club in Wales, one of my favourites in the UK
Gassy Jacks - Fine example of a student bar
Lloyds Bar, The crockerton - pretty good place.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Don't let the bed blogs bite!
No lies, I had a dream about blogs last night!
I dreamt that Bleddyn had put a comment on my post saying that Huw had been slagging me off. I immediately went straight over to Huws' blog to see what he had written. There was nothing incriminating immediately that I can remember but he had written a post about Politics and how "..nobody understood them, especially Curly.." - Aha, got him!
I got really offended by it all anyway so left a very nasty comment on his blog, which started a whole nasty commenting war going on between us. Lots of other bloggers started to join in too!! I got really wound up in the end and just logged out. At that point I woke up... then just laughed myself back to sleep again.
I wonder if I've pioneered the way in dreaming about Blogs? I hope so.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
I had a bout of the rage yesterday. It had been building up for a while, like little pin-pricks building up to a smack with a hammer. A new guy has moved into our house. Now, I live with my landlord and his son - who are both totally fine, despite his son having an unhealthy obsession with the technicalities of space-ships from Star Trek. Landlords sons friend has now moved in. Owen is only 21 but he's very very overweight, which I don't have a problem with normally. But he is an exception, here are the events which built up to my blood boiling so much that you could fry and egg on my forehead:-
Mildly annoyed but let him off
He went away on holiday for two weeks but left enough food shopping on the floor, still in the bags, to feed a small nation. You just don't do that to your new housemates.
Clenched one fist briefly
We only live in a small house and while there is plenty of room to walk from the lounge to the kitchen, he can only just seem to make it through. To be fair there is a bit of a bottleneck between two chairs. I was happily watching some crap on TV the other day when he squeezed past me, stepping on my plate containing some lovely sandwiches then knocking the TV remote onto the floor which made a rather large clattering sound. There was no apology, he carried on moving like a juggernaut that has just run over something completely insignificant, a rabbit maybe.
Had to talk myself into not saying anything
There are bars of chocolate/packs of food starting to appear around the house and it looks gross. I hardly eat chocolate or sweets as just the thought of them make me feel sick and to see large chunks of chocolate lying around annoys the hell out of me. I discovered one of said chunks attatched to the side of my nice white socks - chunk had obviously decided to take a little walk but it wasn't very clever as it had wandered near the heater and had melted quite considerably. Yuk.
Just plain rude, the final straw.
Okay I thought, I'm being unreasonable - he's not that bad, you're just tired and your finding someone to pick on. So, last night I made a delicious curry, and offered some to him. He happily took up the offer, I wasn't too surprised. I asked a snide little question "Are 'How much would you like?' and 'are you allergic to anything?' really stupid questions?" Again, I wasn't too surprised at the answer. So, I gave him some curry which was fine and I felt better for it but then he started eating, it sounded like a salivating dog eating a wet squirrel. I gave him a funny look, and he seemed to tone it down a little. Toned down enough so now the only comparison I could now make was the sound of two people making out with eachother, and this was compounded when he finally finished and let out a moan of delight - which made me almost spit out my curry with laughter. The thing that pissed me off more than anything was the lack of any "Thank-you" or "Brilliant Chris, I'll clean the dishes for you" afterwards - it's just common manners when someone makes you a meal!
God, I'm angry even remembering all that stuff.
It's a shame as I was living quite happily alongside the others in the house. The previous tenant was a Chinese kid called Yu-Yu, he was great, he was never in!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
What a weekend! Saturday night there was a fully sick party down near Whitesands in Pembrokeshire (One of the top beaches in the world, apparently).
The Warm up
I headed down to Haverforwest around midday, the weather was perfect as I got into Haverfordwest to pick up Greggers. We got the bus down further to St.Davids, Britains' smallest city, a little later on. Straight from stepping off the bus we ran into Eirian, Paul Martin and a few others and we all went to 'Y Cartref' for drinks. Osian and Madi were working there, we had gone to see them in Bournemouth a few weeks ago. Anyway, one drink turned into two, three, four etc. Each pint punctuated with a 'bluie' - the most popular drink amongst the alcoholic locals. We did a few more pubs, and then finally to the party at about 2am. We may have been to the rugby club too, can't quite remember.
It was the best set-up party I've ever been to! It was outside in someone's garden but there was large tent keeping everyone warm, the entrance was via a tunnel with cool lights in. The tunnel opened up into the main tent which had carpeted floor, lush lights, neon stuff and all that. The DJ was in full flow, keeping everyone going. It was mind-blowing. I wandered round chatting to everyone and eventually found my little sister sitting in the 'chill out' section with her boyfriend Jammy and loads of her mates. Jammy kindly supplied me with more beer as I'd blatantly run out, which was pretty nice of him. I spent the rest of the night (until 7:30am) just talking to anyone in sight, I met loads of great people. I also met 2 Swedes, 3 Latvians and a Pole - a very Northern European party it seems! It got a bit cold towards dawn but as soon as the sun came up, everything heated up almost instantly - amazing!
I crashed at my mate Tashas' house for a while to recover before I went back into St.Davids to find Greggers and Eirian. They'd both retired at about 4/5am apparently. Greggers and myself just went to the pub and felt sorry for ourselves. I had to get back to Swansea but I couldn't hack the train journey so I got off at Carmarthen (about halfway back) and hitched/walked back to my folks house 28 miles away. It was great walking back over the final 7 miles through forests and up over the mountains - Wales is just a stunning place, I can't say it enough!
The Brecon Beacons, the view from my folks house, about 20 miles closer though....
My head had cleared sufficiently by the time I got to my folks house and there was the amazing smell of food being cooked as I walked through the final field - a great end to a manic weekend.
I fell asleep almost instantly when I finally got into bed, not had that for ages!
Monday, July 18, 2005
Beating up 5 year olds
Far to lazy to post today, instead I'll provide a link to the Scrum V website and in particular, the messageboards. The boards mainly contain rugby banter from the four home nations but a few days ago, someone posed the question:
How many 5 year olds do you think it would take to "take you out" in a fight. They are average 5 year olds, half girls, half boys. I think possibly 40-50. No Weapons can be used, just the kids themselves...
It's had me in hysterics all weekend! The conversation started to dry up a bit but this morning someone suggested the game - "How long would it take a 5 year old to eat a badger, providing the badger was unarmed?"
Absolutely bonkers, but highly entertaining! I think I could probably manage about 50 before I got tired and let in a cheap shot to the n**s. I've seen this topic discussed elsewhere on the internet and someone has even gone and defined all the rules!! It's been a hot topic for debate, the suggestions have been amazing! Would the kids be given basic martial arts training? Would the adult be wearing any protection? If Michael Jackson, Gary Glitter and R.Kelly formed a team and armed themselves with "Jesus Juice" - would they be world champs? A primary school teacher on the messageboard has offered to supply the children as long as she gets a percentage of the takings!!
How many could you take before being defeated I wonder?
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Selection Problems and Irrational Fears
I have a reputation for being completely indecisive but it's been particularly bad recently since I've had a lot of time on my own in Swansea. Some of my friends have put it down to be being so laid back that I don't really care which decision is taken, others think that I'm just too lazy to choose and my parents are of the opinion that I don't like making decisions just incase it was the wrong one. They are all probably right, couldn't pick any one reason really...
This morning I couldn't decide whether to walk down the hill to work on the usual road, with the amazing view of Swansea bay looking towards Mumbles or the other road down the hill, with the amazing view of Swansea looking towards Neath/Port Talbot. I stood at the top of the hill for about 2 minutes deciding what to do - I think that it was the hardest decision I've had to make in my life!
Choosing which road to take is one thing but when you go to a coffee shop... that's on a whole different plane!
According to some stats that I saw about 2 years ago - Every person in the UK will have gone to a Starbucks twice in their lifetimes. I had resisted for years, I finally went to one in 2002 with my very good friend Luke.
First Starbucks Experience
I was so intimidated by the amount of beverages that were on display, my head almost exploded, I just couldn't understand what each one was! The girl serving us glared at me with a "I'm going to pour boiling water down your pants if you don't fucking order" look. (No doubt I would have had to choose which flavor boiling water I preferred to have poured over my nads). I chickened out and asked for the same thing that Luke was having. She was satisfied, for the moment.
Second Starbucks Experience
My Second time in Starbucks was almost identical, it wasn't until two years later, 2004. I was in one of the many branches in Calgary with my friend Ryan. To avoid angry servers this time, I straight away asked Ryan to get a drink for me while I waited outside in the car. "What do you want?" he asked, "Whatever you're having" .
Why can't I just order a Coffee? I don't want any particular flavor, or any particular colour. I'm only here for the caffeine and something to warm me up on a cold day!
The best ordering-coffee experience(?) I've ever had was a Tim Hortons in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Tim Hortons for the non-North Americans, is just another version of Starbucks. Some would argue that it's better but I don't really give a shit. My Cousin and myself (being gentlemen) offered to fetch some coffees for some local girls that we were with, I asked what they would like and one replied "A Medium Double Double" - I made some joke about Tom Hortons only supplying coffee but she repeated "Just order a Medium Double Double - she'll understand". I felt like an idiot ordering a Medium Double Double, but the server produced a drink almost instantly without looking at me funny at all! The trouble came when I ordered "Just a Coffee" for my Cousin and myself. Oh the agony! I was hungover to shit and just wanted a coffee - "Can you just get me a regular coffee?". A simple request, but I was bombarded with questions -
Which flavour would you like?
What size cup?
Any sugar at all?
Would you like a cookie?
Can I see your passport please?
Have you ever met anyone famous?
When did you last have sex?
Bloody Hell! If I had any energy, I would have shouted at her - but it wasn't her fault, the person at the other end of her headset was no doubt telling her what to do and say.
I ended up with a bottle of water. Enough said. I never want to go to another coffee mega-store in my life, unless someone else is ordering for me.
Other places I have irrational fears of include:-
Boots, the pharmacist - it's too big and smells funny. I always get lost and end up in the womens sanitary section, panic sets in and I just look for the nearest fire exit.
Post Offices - I never know which box to put my mail in.
Casinos - they are great fun to participate in I'm sure but I refuse to gamble any of my money. I don't like gong in them because I know that I'll give in and blow it all.
Another stat I've just heard - Britons spent £10billion on alcohol last year! That's about £1600 for every single person in Britain! It makes me so proud!
Monday, July 11, 2005
I love Google Images!
They keep me amused for ages!
I was going to mention my annoying habit of attracting (much) older women, so I thought I'd do my usual image search for an old lady. Unfortunately, the 'Old Lady' results produced specimens that were way too old to use as examples. Once again though, the Canadians helped me out, the Canucks have an endearing term for ladies that prey on younger men, 'Cougars'. I expect that Americans also have this word in their vocabulary. I think that you have to be over 30 to qualify as a Cougar? Not entirely sure of the rules but it's something like that.
I googled 'Cougars' and came up with a fascinating picture of Elisha Watserface from that 24 programme and a real Cougar - I don't have a clue how they ended up being on the same pic but I rather liked it! I've been staring at it for at least five minutes now trying to figure out what the hell was going through this persons head when they 'created' this image. I still can't figure it out.
1) Perhaps the Cougar is taunting Elisha? She does look pretty upset.
2) It could suggest that Elisha IS a Cougar - but she's too young for that at 22.*
3) Maybe that particular Cougar is auditioning as Kim Bauer in the next series of 24?
I just don't know, I give up. I'll let you figure it out.
Elisha as Kim Bauer in '24' and a Cougar
I remember the days when I first discovered google images, I searched for 'Banana' and was very amused with the results. I was so entertained, I decided to merge two of said results into one image - add a little technical wizardry (ms paint - see if you can spot it!) and KABLAM! A masterpiece!
Tune in next week folks when I'll be creating amazing pictures using only dinosaurs and trains!
Maybe not eh?
*just discovered that Elisha is from Calgary... Canadians again. (imdb)
Friday, July 08, 2005
So, the Terrorists have successfully attacked London and the most vulnerable of targets, the underground. It was inevitable but no-one could have predicted when or where it was to happen.
Heaps of praise goes to the emergency services, they were reportedly on top of the situation before most commuters even knew what was going on. Despite over 30 people being killed and hundreds more injured, the Brits have been remarkably calm about the whole thing. Perhaps people have always been prepared for it, or it could just be put down to that traditional British resolve? It made me smile when one BBC reporter said:-
"..The streets have been cleared, the pubs are full..."
The pubs were actually full as people tried to use the payphones or to watch the TV to see what was going on but, I just like the idea of someone saying "Shit, Terrorists again - pint anyone?"
I think that that's a trait that British people can be very proud of, while obviously angry, worried and confused, they can remain calm and can still make light of any situation. One girl that was interviewed had blood coming from the glass wounds in her leg and had her face covered in soot, was describing the incident with a big smile on her face and sounded very up-beat! She almost cried when she mentioned others still in the tube but the smile came back at the end of the interview. It's re-assuring to see that.
The London bus in which thirteen people died
What fucks me off no end though is the fact that some of the hotels have been charging double rates for the night! That is just sick. there have been reports of someone paying £270 for a £65 room. Fucking pathetic.
Some Muslim communities were very quick to speak out against the attacks - which I think is a very wise move. After September 11th, racial attacks on Muslims (and infact many ethnic minorities that weren't white) increased significantly. Still, there are people fucking stupid enough to attack anyone that they preceive as a 'terrorist'. I hope to hell that no-one else is killed or injured as a result of these attacks.
Tony Blair echoes the thoughts of every British person, we will not be intimidated.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I've been forced into finding new blogs to read recently as my usual lot seem to have slowed down for a while!
Owzy O has disappeared off the face of the earth, reportedly on tour performing as a ladyboy - although probably, as sasquatch noted, shaggging.
Laura has been impossibly busy working constantly in the Kings Head and on the bouncy castle. But, on a slightly more suspicious note she has not blogged since befriending a Belarussian co-worker... hmmmm.
Aarti has just buggered off to India to eat great food and generally have a good time with the relatives. She at least warned us that updates would be few and far between.
Gav is around somewhere but hasn't updated since June 13th! Gav - we're interested to hear what's going on!
Not even Goldberg has been around, although it's been noted several times that he's never around unless Owain is... I know they're best mates but I've got a suspicion that they could be linked some other way..
Chris has been a constant though, scouring the internet to come up with entertaining articles on various worldly goings-on. He also writes his own, which is nice. (Bit of Fast Show quoting there, not done that for a while)
Huw has also quite happily typing away on a regular basis. His way of looking at the world is pretty funny, I also like the little dialogues he puts in some of his posts.
So, with all the non-action happening I had to get out there and find decent material to fill bored-as-hell-in-work gaps, and I've found a few cool ones.
Nice cup of tea and sit down (linked from Huw) is very funny and is a very well constructed site, the mission statement reads
"Well I think we should all sit down and have a nice cup of tea, and some biscuits, nice ones mind you. Oh and some cake would be nice as well. Lovely."
My interest in the site is reflected in my own site description (at the top of the page y'all).
Lucy (linked from Chris) is another blog that's caught my eye. Short and sweet posts reeking of a very Irish sense of humor. Always makes me chuckle during work!
The Hot Librarian (again from Huw) takes a lot of reading time but it's worth it - another quirky blog. (I think that I just like people that swear a lot!)
So, they're all good fun - check them out I dare ya!
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Cardiff, the bane of my health.
So, my non-drinking had turned into before-noon-drinking after a feeble 12 days.
I'm surprised that I even managed to last that long really! Over the last (almost) couple of weeks I've still gone to pubs, but resisted quite well. I've declined parties, drank copious amounts of soft drinks/fruit juice, avoided friends that could easily tempt me onto the alcohol (most of them) and generally been a good boy. I've discovered some new pubs around Swansea with Andy - he's recently split up with his girlfriend and it's been great having him around again! Andy is the only one of my mates that lives near Swansea, he's actually based in Llangennech near Llanelli but that's not too far away. We've located a number of studenty pubs (for when term starts again in September/October) and also some nice REAL pubs - for sunny afternoons or rainy evenings!
But, it all fell apart as soon as I got off the train in Cardiff. I got round to the boys flat and found Bledd and Alun on their way out to the pub. We went to Royworld (Spin) to meet Jonny Focus (nickname courtesy of the car that he drives and probably loves more than his mother)
**Slightly interesting side-note : Just googled for the images of "Royworld" , a Cardiff bowling Alley/Bar on City Road, now called "Spin" - and was very surprised to see that the only link was to Owzy O's hyperdoopelator!**
Jonny was very drunk and wasn't the best company for three sober lads. Still, we had a few games of Table Football, Bledd won man of the tournament for being the only one that was any good. Onto the George for more refreshment, not many of the bar staff left as students disapear for the summer. Scouse and Aled were working but we didn't get much of a chance to chat as it got pretty busy later on. The Phaelon lads joined us along with Chris of the Martinis and a couple of lads from Attack and Defend. Good times were had by all but Bledd, Alun and myself had to head off to rest as we had to get up early (06:30) in the morning to guarantee a table in Varsity for the Lions game at 8:00!
Saturday was one of the most retarded days I've had for months - started drinking at 7am and just got really steaming. Watched the Lions, they lost but I didn't care as I really enjoyed watching NZ play such delightful football! We spent most of the day at Lewis' house in Canton drinking cans and eating gone-off crisps (yum). We ended up in Clwb Ifor Bach where we were on our very last legs, and we finally crumbled at about 2am.
Sunday, spent most of the day feeling sorry for ourselves. I just watched films all day in between trips to have conversations with the toilet bowl.
Monday, decided to take a trip home to Llandeilo in the evening to visit the folks. Mam cooked a lovely curry and I felt sufficiently fat. Yum!
The most popular view of Llandeilo, near where my folks live
Back to Swansea this morning, very tired but I'm looking forward to my weekly shopping trip to Tescos tonight! Hooray!
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Not Canada day anymore
And I have to wait another year for the next one *sniff*
Still 2nd Test today,it's almost 7am and I'm off to the pub... not lying. Damn.
Friday, July 01, 2005
HAPPY CANADA DAY!
Well, it's July 1st again - time to celebrate all things Canadian! The Tragically Hip, the Hockey (Ice) world cup holding team, Nelly Furtado and Bryan Adams (maybe not) all deserve a toast today!
On June 20, 1868, a proclamation signed by the Governor General, Lord Monck, called upon all Her Majesty's loving subjects throughout Canada to join in the celebration of the anniversary of the formation of the union of the British North America provinces in a federation under the name of Canada on July 1st.
The July 1 holiday was established by statute in 1879, under the name "Dominion Day". There were no real celebrations until 1982 when the government decided that "Dominion Day" sounded shit, so they renamed it "Canada day" - and there was much celebration, probably.
But these days, it's just yet another good excuse for a piss-up! Even Canadian embassies around the world open their subsidised bars especially for certain commonwealth folk. I've never been to one of these events but my boss worked in Singapore for a while and informed me that this happened to him once!
Last year I was celebrating Canada day by smuggling beer past the police blockades into Victoria inner harbour (British Columbia, Canada - not Melbourne, Australia funnily enough), then drinking said beer - much to the disappointment of the many folk that had been busted and had their booze confiscated! he he. Along with my Sidekick, Sud Shady, we managed to find ourselves in a hostel in Victoria after getting way to drunk to find our way home. Oh yes, there were loads of people there and the fireworks were great!
This year, I'll be in a pub in Cardiff probably, drinking Coke. I will make a special effort to find a Canadian somewhere so I can tell them all about their national day. Unless they actually know already of course.