Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Golden Arches

McDonalds, it does my bloody nut in. Especially at Christmas.


Gross

It just looks wrong doesn't it? Even before you go into detail about the salt and fat contained in one of the buggers. Then there's the obesity that comes from eating too much of it and the risks of you developing diabetes or heart disease in the future.

Do you know what is worse than all of that? The fact that McDonalds exists.

The interior reeks of absolute wrong-ness. There are the fucking bleepy things that bleep constantly, slowly eroding your will to live. Screaming kids chuck fries around. The straw wrappers are fired at the window, ketchup (Because they don't serve Tomato Sauce) covers the tip ensuring the wrapper sticks for a while before sliding off, leaving a small trail of slime. People stand WAY too close to you in the queue while they discuss their 14 year old mates impending pregnancy. The cashiers shoot back with a "You Wha?" when you ask politely for a BIG MAC, a confused look on their faces. Baseball cap donning Kevs seem to have taken over the establishment, probably trying to pick up underage girls to get preganant and then fuck off before the baby arrives. EVERYONE looks unhealthy. The staff are miserable* and I can completely understand why. I can't stand being in there for more than five minutes.


Maccers in trouble again

I've probably consumed four of Ronalds dodgy burgers in the last year, that is a small amount but it absolutely disgusts me. Today, I grabbed my Meal of Ming and ran as fast as I could to get outside - the doors opened and the blast of cool air from the crisp December morning was one of the most refeshing things I've experienced in recent days. I scarpered back over to the office, trying to conceal the white paper bag containing £3.99 worth of fat. I glanced back over my shoulder to see the door closing again, sealing the inhabitants inside until some other fat junkie decides that they neeed another hit.

I wish that everyone would just realise what it is they're doing to themselves when they eat any of the products. I looked on a tourist map of Calgary last year, the Calgary Tower was marked brightly, as was the old fort but, rather distressingly, 32 little golden M's appeared. Thirty Two?!!! And on a TOURIST map?!!

McDonalds meals do have one thing going for them though - they're frikkin AMAZING for sorting out hangovers.


*Apart from one branch in Victoria, Canada - they were hilarious

19 Comments:

At 4:03 pm, Blogger Art thought it was best to say...

I dont really have much MacD's (the lush fudge sundaes no longer exist, the nice veggie burgers no longer exist and I am a veggie again so more chicken burgers) and my husband is quite good at persuadding me NOT to stop off at MacDs anyway. Although I do like their fries best - and BK Beanburgers.

Oh and Mac D's egg n sausage mcmuffins are fab for hangovers - none of them for me though anymore.

They all have attitude in MacD - why? What is so amazing that it makes them think they are special for working there?

 
At 4:24 pm, Blogger Astrid thought it was best to say...

No, I am not much of a fan either and after seeing SUPER SIZE ME, I am not sure whether I ever want to go there again.

 
At 6:05 pm, Blogger Me Over Here thought it was best to say...

I haven't seen Super Size Me yet. But I have a feeling that my final thought after viewing it would be: "Man, I could go for some Micky D's right about now."

Guilty of "lovin' it" (that's the slogan here..."I'm lovin' it". Bah)

Although once, I was REALLY hungry and got a double quarter pounder (what does that come out to?), and couldn't finish it because I was increasingly disgusted by the greasy meat that kept staring me in the face after every bite. It was an unhealthy pink color. Never again, double quarter pounder, never again.

 
At 7:35 pm, Blogger Huw thought it was best to say...

Whenever you try and slate McDonalds et al, you are always in return slated by the few* who tell you that you aren't really criticising McDonalds, rather that the target of your derision is the people who eat there.

What these people imply is that you are a snob - that it is the working class, uneducated and overweight that you are sneering at.

"These people don't know about nutrition," they'll say, "and they don't have the spending power to enjoy the luxury of choice."

As someone on occasion branded a snob in this manner, I was heartened by one of your points you made here Curly: that actually McDonald's ISN'T cheap. It's four quid for a sandwich only a little bigger than my palm, some salty fried crunchie bits and some appallingly water down flat coke. I frequently lunch on approximately twice this amount of much (but not very) healthier food for about 2/3 of the price.

Ahem, sorry, that had been brewing for a while.

Elsewhere, MOH, after some calculations, I believe it comes out to around half a pound.


* People like this dick: http://www.spiked-online.com/Articles/0000000CA6DF.htm **

**Someone tell me how to hyperlink in comments, please!

 
At 8:42 pm, Blogger Me Over Here thought it was best to say...

Surely you know that I KNEW that, right?

 
At 8:47 pm, Blogger Me Over Here thought it was best to say...

By the way, I resent this:

"...the assumption being that the kind of people who frequent McDonald's are so feckless that when the spotty teen behind the counter mentions the SS-phrase they are powerless to resist (especially if they're from Texas, one of the Fattest States of America according to Spurlock, where he was most often asked 'You wanna Super Size that?')."

(although it's probably true)

 
At 9:09 pm, Blogger Chris Cope thought it was best to say...

I am sneering at both the overweight/uneducated AND McDonald's. I am happy to say that I have not eaten at McDonald's in more than a year (it would be three years, but I broke down last year and wanted to try Chicken Selects -- I felt sick afterward).

 
At 9:55 pm, Blogger mona thought it was best to say...

I'm not a big Mcdee's fan either, except for hangovers. I was reading and reading and the only thing I could think of was, come on Curly, surely you know that the anti-vomit chemicals in the burg's are great for curing the most vicious of stomach aches after one drink too many. That said, I would rather cure a hangover with a Bloody Mary any day :)

 
At 10:48 pm, Blogger Darling Nikki thought it was best to say...

Great post. McDonald's serves up pure evil on a bun.

"Super Size Me" was a powerful tool -- even my kids refuse to eat that crap. If I can just get my hands on a documentary about the horrors of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll...

 
At 11:37 pm, Anonymous Anonymous thought it was best to say...

(I didn't know the ketchup-on-the-end-of-the-flying-straw-wrapper trick - quite cunning, I thought.)

(luke)

 
At 12:02 pm, Blogger Lucy thought it was best to say...

Yummee. How did you get your cheese UNDER your burger though? I WANT IT.

 
At 3:23 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Art - I never did get to taste the sundaes as the thought of eating Ice cream takes me back to when I was ill after eating too much of it... bleurgh!

Astrid - I've not seen Supersize Me either, I'm worried that it will smell the same as McDonalds. AND you had better not be leaving us...

MOH - Some (Hell of a lot of) people like it I guess. You should NEVER look at a burger while you eat it!

Huw - You are such a snob. I'm glad that you feel as strongly as I do about the subject! It's a lazy way of eating, but that's just how some people are. (ie me hungover)

Chris - Yep, I'm sneering at them all too. The inoffensive people are there, but don't get noticed in McD's as they not loud, smelly or in your way.

Mona - You know it! Not as good as fried breakfasts, but they're up there at the top of the list of stomach-settling foods!

Nikki - "Pure evil on a bun", I'm lovin it.

Lukey - I thought it was you that taught me how to do it? It's a trick I've known for many years but never used in anger!

Aughney - Ah, so innocent, that's not cheese... and No, you can't have it until you've done your homework.

 
At 12:05 am, Blogger gawblimeyman thought it was best to say...

Christ people! Get real! It's a crap fast food shithole selling crap burgers to fill a hole! It's not somewhere you go for a date! What you see it what you get. If it's that bad don't walk through the fucking golden arches!
Persoanlly I don't go that often because I don't find them that cheap.
If you want quality top fast food how about the pasties from the West Cornwall Pastie shops, on quite a few stations like London Bridge! Absolutely delicious! And much more filling than any Maccie Dees Big Mac!

 
At 3:06 pm, Blogger Me Over Here thought it was best to say...

Also, I'm assuming that it's a bad thing if something "does your bloody nut in". Is this correct?

 
At 4:14 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

It most certainly is! Nut = head and when your head is 'done in', it generally isn't good!

 
At 7:45 pm, Blogger mr. tomas ubik thought it was best to say...

everytime i eat the shit, i go manorexic ten minutes latah.

i cant stand mcdicks anymore, its simply a stoned urge for salt that sees me going there anymore. i otherwise cant find it in my soul to support one dominant plague on this planet.

 
At 12:45 pm, Anonymous chess thought it was best to say...

the hangover thing is right enough. The trouble is the Llanelli McDonalds (officially the worst in the world) makes you endure at least a 20min wait every effin time. Fast food, my arse.

 
At 3:19 pm, Anonymous mAce thought it was best to say...

Sorry to play devils here. But I think Mcdonalds is a wonderful place. I can travel anywhere in the world a get exactly what I want. It's cheap, filling and tasty.

I would also bet that Mcdonald food is far superior to highly processed foods sold in supermarkets and microwave pub grub.

Mcdonalds is a very easy target, be original for the love of Ronald.

 
At 3:44 pm, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Yeah, it's an easy target but it's a bloody good one. I'm sure Burger King would have caught the brunt of it if it wasn't so far away.

 

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