Thursday, October 13, 2005

Turkey Shoot

Yet more shit on the news

Well, if you believe all the doomsayers in the news, Britain is about to be struck with a bout of bird flu. It's cropped up in Turkey and probably Romania, so it's getting closer at a steady pace.

And now for something completely different

I suppose we should all be concerned that people are going to die when the virus mutates into giant chickens which plan to wreak havoc on the planet or whatever. But, like everyone I've spoken to about it, I find myself laughing it all off, how can you take it seriously when several news programmes have come up with Monty Python style diagrams of a chicken with a 'danger' area of 5km surrounding them with of course, a 10km 'caution' zone.


Right into the danger zone

Scaremongering

As mentioned, it's taking over the news channels but strangely enough I've not seen a single person legging it down the street screaming "CHICKENS, 5 KILOMETRES AWAY, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES" which is a bit of a shame really. Any day now I'm fully expecting illegal gun stores to open up in the back alleys of Swansea, full of people arming themselves to the teeth ready to blow the shit out of any of our feathered friends heading their way.

As great a threat as terrorism?

Once the flu lands in the UK, it'll take approximately 12 weeks before the entire country is infected. Some places in northern Scotland will be spared, that's the shite bus service for you. Chickens probably couldn't afford the trip up from Dover anyways. Saying that actually, there are some pretty cheap flights around - group discounts still apply I think.

Sense?

But it's simple really isn't it kids? LEAVE THE BLOODY BIRDS ALONE. They're happy, milling around, eating corn or bird seed. Besides if they get ill, they can always die and make soup out of eachother to get better again.

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