Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Social Graces

I had a bout of the rage yesterday. It had been building up for a while, like little pin-pricks building up to a smack with a hammer. A new guy has moved into our house. Now, I live with my landlord and his son - who are both totally fine, despite his son having an unhealthy obsession with the technicalities of space-ships from Star Trek. Landlords sons friend has now moved in. Owen is only 21 but he's very very overweight, which I don't have a problem with normally. But he is an exception, here are the events which built up to my blood boiling so much that you could fry and egg on my forehead:-

Mildly annoyed but let him off

He went away on holiday for two weeks but left enough food shopping on the floor, still in the bags, to feed a small nation. You just don't do that to your new housemates.

Clenched one fist briefly

We only live in a small house and while there is plenty of room to walk from the lounge to the kitchen, he can only just seem to make it through. To be fair there is a bit of a bottleneck between two chairs. I was happily watching some crap on TV the other day when he squeezed past me, stepping on my plate containing some lovely sandwiches then knocking the TV remote onto the floor which made a rather large clattering sound. There was no apology, he carried on moving like a juggernaut that has just run over something completely insignificant, a rabbit maybe.

Had to talk myself into not saying anything
There are bars of chocolate/packs of food starting to appear around the house and it looks gross. I hardly eat chocolate or sweets as just the thought of them make me feel sick and to see large chunks of chocolate lying around annoys the hell out of me. I discovered one of said chunks attatched to the side of my nice white socks - chunk had obviously decided to take a little walk but it wasn't very clever as it had wandered near the heater and had melted quite considerably. Yuk.

Just plain rude, the final straw.
Okay I thought, I'm being unreasonable - he's not that bad, you're just tired and your finding someone to pick on. So, last night I made a delicious curry, and offered some to him. He happily took up the offer, I wasn't too surprised. I asked a snide little question "Are 'How much would you like?' and 'are you allergic to anything?' really stupid questions?" Again, I wasn't too surprised at the answer. So, I gave him some curry which was fine and I felt better for it but then he started eating, it sounded like a salivating dog eating a wet squirrel. I gave him a funny look, and he seemed to tone it down a little. Toned down enough so now the only comparison I could now make was the sound of two people making out with eachother, and this was compounded when he finally finished and let out a moan of delight - which made me almost spit out my curry with laughter. The thing that pissed me off more than anything was the lack of any "Thank-you" or "Brilliant Chris, I'll clean the dishes for you" afterwards - it's just common manners when someone makes you a meal!

God, I'm angry even remembering all that stuff.

It's a shame as I was living quite happily alongside the others in the house. The previous tenant was a Chinese kid called Yu-Yu, he was great, he was never in!


At 5:38 pm, Blogger Chris Cope thought it was best to say...

Is it his first time living away from his parents? Is he retarded? I want to beat your housemate for you.

At 3:29 am, Blogger Afe thought it was best to say...

Living with people sucks. Unless you get to have sex with them.

At 9:30 am, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

He's been away from his folks for the last two years in Uni but regularly gets visits from them to clean his room/wipe his arse I think!

Living with people can be great fun but as soon as you discover an annoying habit... it festers and festers until you just can't take it anymore and you snap!

As for having sex with them, I apply the age old law of 'Don't Screw the Crew'. The only time I broke it, it got nasty! Teach me to do it again!

Mr.Cope, you're more than welcome to beat him for me when you come over to the UK again! I attempted to injure him by refusing to get a taxi up the (steep) hill after we all went to the beach last night - he almost passed out halfway up!!!

At 4:32 pm, Blogger Astrid thought it was best to say...

Haha .. maybe you are on a special edition of MTV's Boiling Points? Try and say the alphabet from Z-A, sometimes that works!!!!

At 11:55 am, Blogger Curly thought it was best to say...

Yes, the Z-A alphabet is usually a good one but I'm dyslexic and I find that rather hard! The only way I can do it is to cheat...


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