Umm
This isn't going so well any more, is it?
I am still here - but have been made redundant. I am concentrating on somehow trying to pass as Owen Wilson so I can go to celebrity parties in my free time.
The adventures of the young and often lucky-as-hell Curly on his way to bring down the evil dictator, locate the buried nazi gold and ultimately come face to face with the Holy Grail - Nelly Furtado. On the way I'll be perfecting my David Seaman impression and meeting as many people as possible. After that I'll go home for a nice cup of tea, and perhaps some cake too. I'm trying to give up tea but wouldn't object to a cup if a nice old lady offered - that would just be rude, wouldn't it?
This isn't going so well any more, is it?
I've never been very good at languages. Throughout school my French was peppered with Welsh whilst my Welsh was often confused completely with German. I stopped learning French when I was 16, Welsh ground to a halt when I was 17 and my German education terminated at the grand old age of 18 after it clashed with Physics and, aside from the exchange trips and trying to impress German girls, Physics was more fun. Since that time I've been to a number of different countries and each time I've pretended that I was fluent in the local language, my previous linguistic education coming in handy when applying rules to a new one. All this has created a strange mix of vocabularies and grammatical rules - I give compliments in French, greet people in either Welsh or Canglish*, ask politely for things in German, thank people in Lettish, swear in Italian and can sometimes be spotted in Ikea being a bit of a dick and correcting everybody on their pronunciation of the furniture. But I don't actually speak any of these languages and it's starting to bug me, so I pick up a 'teach-yourself' book and settle down for a couple of hours in the evening...
Below is a facebook message transcript between me and a friend of a friend of my girlfriend (Foafoafomg). I'll keep updating the post if it gets any juicier, but it probably won't.
"Why don't we crave healthy foods when we're drunk or hungover, why is it always high-calorie and high salt content foods?" I asked an argumentative looking Sud. I followed it up with an impression of myself, "I was sooo drunk last night, I can't believe I had that smoothie after the pub!"